Wednesday, October 8, 2008

My Life As A Stripper

It's true. I HAVE been stripped. But before you all go getting excited about my post 4-babies-body all naked for the veiwing.. I'll end the suspense and explain that I was indeed stripped.. of my big nasty varicose veins that is. Most of ya know (along with many of your small children that have been frightened by them..) that I've been plagued with a mess of old lady lookin' veins on the back of my right leg, for years. Welp.. I'm guessing, and hoping, that the 15 incisions-- and 2 hours of horrible, awful,terrible, very bad pain.. means they have been destroyed at last! 2 months ago I tried a less invasive, method (hot cathedar up the vein. Yum.) that I thought was pretty bad in itself, and included 6 weeks of wearing a compression hose after (the story just gets sexier, anad sexier..)didn't seem to take. So today I was suprised and terrified to experience exactly what goes down in a 'stripping'. It feels alot like it sounds. After a ridiculous amount of injections in the MOST tender inner parts of your calf and thigh.. they cut you in their strategic spots, and then proceed to RIP.. we're talkin' PULL, TUG, and YANK your veins outta your insides. So NOT totally awesome. I've always taken pride in my bravery in similar situations.. barely whispered a moan in 4 labors.. have had all kinds of large chunks a skin taken outta all places because of skin cancer.. but today.. I am ashamed to say I made sounds I've never heard come out of my mouth. Not even the People magazine I had plastered over my face to hide the gore, could muffle my displeasure. So. If you're in the market for a 'strip'.. just wanted to get ya good and prepared-- and reccommend demanding to be knocked out COLD for the entire procedure. Good night now!

5 comments:

Abby said...

Oh my! Bless your little baby heart! Such a vulnerable place to be--hearing incontrollable grunt-moans from one's own mouth. It sounds awful, but I hope it works! Are you bed-ridden now?

emma jo said...

Why is it that two Oscarson girls are the first to comment on the Stripper post...we were all excited to hear some kind of dirt. Oh well, women in lots of pain can be exciting too. I do hope you took before pictures...because we need to see an after for sure. It can be titled "Stripper: Part II, with pictures!"

Amy Lynn said...

Seriously...I skimmed all the new posts and came right away to yours because it had the word "stripper" in the title. So painful sounding...what does recovery look like? Do they send you off to Mexico with coupons for massages and cold fruity drinks? Is this guaranteed to work? I can't wait to see your sexy, hot new leg!

mo said...

Who came up with this medical technique? Jack the Ripper? I can't believe there isn't a better more humane way to get the job done! You've earned a "Bless its heart" and two "poor babys!"

Kristina said...

I can't believe you really got it done! Sorry it was sooo painful-does not sound fun. But now it over right?!