Wednesday, October 8, 2008

My Life As A Stripper

It's true. I HAVE been stripped. But before you all go getting excited about my post 4-babies-body all naked for the veiwing.. I'll end the suspense and explain that I was indeed stripped.. of my big nasty varicose veins that is. Most of ya know (along with many of your small children that have been frightened by them..) that I've been plagued with a mess of old lady lookin' veins on the back of my right leg, for years. Welp.. I'm guessing, and hoping, that the 15 incisions-- and 2 hours of horrible, awful,terrible, very bad pain.. means they have been destroyed at last! 2 months ago I tried a less invasive, method (hot cathedar up the vein. Yum.) that I thought was pretty bad in itself, and included 6 weeks of wearing a compression hose after (the story just gets sexier, anad sexier..)didn't seem to take. So today I was suprised and terrified to experience exactly what goes down in a 'stripping'. It feels alot like it sounds. After a ridiculous amount of injections in the MOST tender inner parts of your calf and thigh.. they cut you in their strategic spots, and then proceed to RIP.. we're talkin' PULL, TUG, and YANK your veins outta your insides. So NOT totally awesome. I've always taken pride in my bravery in similar situations.. barely whispered a moan in 4 labors.. have had all kinds of large chunks a skin taken outta all places because of skin cancer.. but today.. I am ashamed to say I made sounds I've never heard come out of my mouth. Not even the People magazine I had plastered over my face to hide the gore, could muffle my displeasure. So. If you're in the market for a 'strip'.. just wanted to get ya good and prepared-- and reccommend demanding to be knocked out COLD for the entire procedure. Good night now!